When I am talking about  SHYNESS here in this post I am referring to someone with social phobia.  Saying you are shy seems to be more generally accepted than saying you feel anxious in social situations or to admit you may suffer from social anxiety disorder.

Do you remember a time when you were not shy?  I do!  I remember myself as an outgoing child and my mother backs that up.  What happened then to me?  I think that my thinking changed in very small ways over a long time.  I started off on the positive road and slowly my course changed, and one day I came to a fork where I took a more negative one.  I didn’t realize until I took the turn.

Small positive changes over a long time can also make a difference in your shyness.  Make these changes, now positive ones, and see the big difference it can make in your life.

Changing our thoughts isn’t that difficult but it takes practice.  If you decide to do nothing then nothing will change in your life. Shyness sometimes leads us to let others control our lives and make our decisions.  Take back the control and have a better holiday period.

Don’t hide away, do something social that you think you can manage like having a Christmas drink with friends or colleagues, call a friend on the telephone, accept an invitation to share dinner with friends, get the kids in the car and admire the Christmas lights around the neighborhood or wish a total stranger Merry Christmas.

We hide our shyness and pretend not be be shy but if you start in small ways you will be amazed how easy it becomes in time with practice.  If you need help though with these suggestions then I recommend THE SOCIAL STRATEGIES, an online program which has helped so many people to live normal lives again.

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The first time I had a panic attack I thought I must have some sort of virus that made me nauseous and that gave me diarrhea. My face was flushed and I was convinced I had a fever.  I was at a Christmas party at the time and spent the majority of the evening in the powder room.  I felt just miserable all night.  Its amazing how strong are The Astonishing Power of Emotions.   I didn’t understand then that the waves coming up over me through out the evening were actually panic.  It took me two days for my stomach to recover.   Social Anxiety can sneak up on you and without help the phobia keeps getting re enforced by your behavior.

These panic attacks continued at social outings especially at restaurants for the next 20 or more years until I decided that I couldn’t live this way.  Because I am not a very social person it didn’t affect me as much as someone who was outgoing but I found I was now avoiding situations, so my social life was very limited.  I decided to get help and was referred to a Psychiatrist.  She prescribed drugs to help but these gave me so many side affects, some still are with me now such as a creeping feeling in my scalp that I’ not sure that I got a lot of benefit from them.  I did get some temporary relief, like a band aid solution, but it didn’t really help me solve the root problem.

I was finally diagnosed as having Social Anxiety Disorder though and that give me a name to my problem.

I went on for a few more years until I got some good advice to try Cognitive Behavior Therapy with a Psychologist at a local Mental Health Service.  A group class was starting soon so I took advantage of that and joined in.  What surprised me initially was that the people in the group were all different in how social anxiety was affecting them.  One person had a problem with making and answering telephone calls.  Another couldn’t talk to strangers and I couldn’t eat in restaurants.  The real surprise was that we all benefited by the classes.

It taught me to recognize triggers for my social anxiety and to take one step at a time towards overcoming the behaviors I had re enforced over the years. We used a work book and did some group work as well.

More on my first steps to overcoming this disorder in my next post.

If you are looking to get relief NOW from social anxiety and panic attacks go to PANIC AWAY which is one of the internets most successful online course for treating panic disorder today.  They get amazing results, just check out their testimonials.

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I suffer from social anxiety.  Social anxiety Disorder is a recognized psychiatric condition and is common in both sexes and which causes distress and impaired ability to function in social situations in a person’s daily life. This is my personal story but I must say that I manage my anxiety well now, and keep my stress levels down as much as possible.  I won’t say that I am ‘cured’ but I am learning again to enjoy the things I once feared.

Social anxiety affects millions of people yearly and is the third largest mental health problem  in the world. We are often referred to as shy but that is not necessarily so.  I am only shy or nervous in a few situations whereas I can give a talk to groups of people without any problem (public speaking is the most common social fear).  Some people are shy but don’t show it outwardly, actually acting  quite the opposite to hide their nervousness.

What frightens me:
Meeting new people in new places
Dating (although now Im engaged that is no longer a problem I face)
Looking different from everyone else
Embarrassing myself in front of others

I would describe myself as an emotional person and that makes me more likely to be shy or a worrier or to get depressed etc.  I don’t regard this though as a complete negative as I also am kind hearted and a caring person which is the positive side of being that emotional person. Many factors also play a part in whether you develop social anxiety such as the way You were brought up and your family life,  your learned experiences and the way you reacted to them.

I probably developed social anxiety  in my early 20s but cant think of any event that may have triggered it off.  As a child I was confident, outgoing and friendly. It must have been a gradual thing.  I was a young mother at the time and my self esteem was not very good, I worried about everything and I became a negative thinker. I didn’t socialize much as we didn’t have much money and so it was confined to mainly family events and meeting my husbands friends. I cant remember having too many friends of my own at that time.

As a shy person I worried about what others thought of me and I didn’t feel I measured up at social situations like parties and other social gatherings.  It wasn’t helped by having a husband who was a critical and negative person, not just of me, but of most things in general.  I always felt and sometimes made to feel that I was fat and frumpy next to the other wives.  This in turn made me feel that I didn’t want to go or contribute to the conversations at these gatherings.  People just thought I was shy.

As a consequence I started to avoid social situations like the plague.

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A great book I would like to recommend here and now is Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia: A Step-by-Step Guide (Clinical Application of Evidence-Based Psychotherapy).  It is a guide and a work book by Ronald M Rapee PhD that I have used and found to be very helpful to understanding and managing shyness and social anxiety.

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