Social anxiety affects millions of people yearly and is the third largest mental health problem  in the world. We are often referred to as shy but that is not necessarily so.  I am only shy or nervous in a few situations whereas I can give a talk to groups of people without any problem (public speaking is the most common social fear).  Some people are shy but don’t show it outwardly, actually acting  quite the opposite to hide their nervousness.

What frightens me:
Meeting new people in new places
Dating (although now Im engaged that is no longer a problem I face)
Looking different from everyone else
Embarrassing myself in front of others

I would describe myself as an emotional person and that makes me more likely to be shy or a worrier or to get depressed etc.  I don’t regard this though as a complete negative as I also am kind hearted and a caring person which is the positive side of being that emotional person. Many factors also play a part in whether you develop social anxiety such as the way You were brought up and your family life,  your learned experiences and the way you reacted to them.

I probably developed social anxiety  in my early 20s but cant think of any event that may have triggered it off.  As a child I was confident, outgoing and friendly. It must have been a gradual thing.  I was a young mother at the time and my self esteem was not very good, I worried about everything and I became a negative thinker. I didn’t socialize much as we didn’t have much money and so it was confined to mainly family events and meeting my husbands friends. I cant remember having too many friends of my own at that time.

As a shy person I worried about what others thought of me and I didn’t feel I measured up at social situations like parties and other social gatherings.  It wasn’t helped by having a husband who was a critical and negative person, not just of me, but of most things in general.  I always felt and sometimes made to feel that I was fat and frumpy next to the other wives.  This in turn made me feel that I didn’t want to go or contribute to the conversations at these gatherings.  People just thought I was shy.

As a consequence I started to avoid social situations like the plague.

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A great book I would like to recommend here and now is Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia: A Step-by-Step Guide (Clinical Application of Evidence-Based Psychotherapy).  It is a guide and a work book by Ronald M Rapee PhD that I have used and found to be very helpful to understanding and managing shyness and social anxiety.

But why do we fear speaking in front of others so very much? Psychologists believe that it is not really public speaking that make people experience so much STRESS but the fear of making a mistake in front of others. Public speaking anxiety can however be conquered with the right attitude and commitment.

Here are some points that can start you in your path towards a public speaking anxiety free life:

Speak about what you know
Talking about something that you have a passion for and know will not only lessen the anxiety that you may experience and will also make you appear fervent and enthusiastic about the project.

Use Humor
What’s the best way to impress an audience? To make them feel connected to you. And how do you exactly do that? Use humor. Open your speech with a joke or funny obervation. Everyone loves to laugh. This can also help you relax. It’s also a good strategy for covering up errors when they happen as well.

Practice
When you practice, the chance for making a mistake decreases. The biggest benefit though will be that it will make you feel more self assured, knowing that you have prepared for the speech and that you have done your best to present it.

Involve The Audience
The best way to appear good before an audience is to actually acknowledge their existence. Also when you do this it makes the speech less formal and more comfortable for everyone. A less formal approach can excuse the speaker from some blunders.

My main coping technique in regard to public speaking anxiety is to think of everyone as children. Children are accepting and not critical.  Find what works for you as we all react differently to stress. Maybe all you need is to listen to some RELAXATION MUSIC beforehand and that is what I do as it brings my stress levels down quite dramatically.

Like most anxieties we often avoid the problem rather than face it and this is the case with fear of failure.  It is easier not to take the risk so we go in avoidance mode.  We must understand what has made us fear failing in the first place.  Has outside influences had a part in our feelings?

An example of this might be that we are told in our youth that we can never do anything right and so be believe it.   Is this outside assessment an accurate one or just something we have accepted as truth?  Fear can immobilize us and we get so wrapped up in that fear that we really will fail or not try at all.

Think of ways to overcome this fear of failure.  What would be the outcome of taking the risk?  What is the worst case scenario?  How long would it take you to recover from the failure if you did take it?  Looking at these things will help you decide to face the fear and act or not.

When you plan things, especially in smaller steps, then it is easier to take a risk.  Have a back up plan also, and this especially will give you the confidence to act and face the fear.  Once you do it, it will become easier the next time eg joining a club, making a speech or having a first date.

The greatest obstacles to your success is avoidance and procrastination.  We tell ourselves we will do it tomorrow or not at all.  If we don’t take risks and face our fears then we will be in the same situation we are in today, tomorrow, next week and next year.

Fear can immobilize us but we can face our fears and our lives will be change hopefully for the better.  We don’t need to worry about the fear of failure, just take the chance.

Fear and Anxiety

Have you been affected by fear and anxiety?  For me it was like a domino effect with stress causing anxiety, then panic appears and finally you fear the panic happening again.  Stress over a long time was the trigger for me.

Fear and anxiety are a normal part of life and have evolved on the basis that you adapt in response to threat.  They are closely linked but quite different and you need to deal with them in different ways.  Anxiety is a vague unpleasant emotional state and it often appears to have no basis or direct threat.  Fear is similar except that it has a specific object.

Fear and anxiety are not bad things in themselves when we are in control of our emotions.  Everyone has experienced these emotions in their lives at some time.

Scarey snakes

Examples of Fears | Anxieties

Anxiety can develop when someone feels overwhelmed, or has difficulty reconciling to some situation or event and when they don’t know how to deal with that situation/event.  The anticipation of a situation that makes you anxious can develop into avoidance of that situation which leads into an anxiety disorder like social anxiety or agoraphobia.

Identifying your fears

Keeping a record of things that make you anxious will help you identify situations you may not have been consciously aware were making you uneasy. Make sure to record your thoughts, feelings and actions and not just the object/thing.

What are your fears?

Most people will experience this in their lifetime and yet most people don’t know what is anxiety and why it happens. The reason for its increase in recent years includes a variety of causes, including living in a more stressful society, unhealthy diets, and the rise in substance abuse.

Peaceful and beautiful

Anxiety disorders occur when the anxiety system doesn’t work properly or when overwhelmed. It can make you feel you are losing control and even to the extreme where you think that you are going to die. It makes the body go into a ‘fight or flight’ response. Anxiety can stop you from living your life the way you want and that is when it is called a disorder.

An anxiety disorder can greatly impair a person’s functioning and a professional diagnosis and treatment is important. Recurrent anxiety attacks that occur over a period of months can be classified as an anxiety illness. Anxiety can reveal itself in a variety of ways. From one-time attacks, to recurrent episodes, phobias and panic attacks.

If you haven’t experienced a panic attack it is very difficult to explain the terror you can experience and the physical symptoms that go with it such as in my case; tightness in the chest, nausea, flushed face, tingling in my fingers and scalp and diarrhea.

You can get more information on overcoming anxiety from PANIC AWAY as they get results . Read some of the testimonials as well for real stories on how anxiety has affected people’s lives.

When I am talking about  SHYNESS here in this post I am referring to someone with social phobia.  Saying you are shy seems to be more generally accepted than saying you feel anxious in social situations or to admit you may suffer from social anxiety disorder.

Do you remember a time when you were not shy?  I do!  I remember myself as an outgoing child and my mother backs that up.  What happened then to me?  I think that my thinking changed in very small ways over a long time.  I started off on the positive road and slowly my course changed, and one day I came to a fork where I took a more negative one.  I didn’t realize until I took the turn.

Small positive changes over a long time can also make a difference in your shyness.  Make these changes, now positive ones, and see the big difference it can make in your life.

Changing our thoughts isn’t that difficult but it takes practice.  If you decide to do nothing then nothing will change in your life. Shyness sometimes leads us to let others control our lives and make our decisions.  Take back the control and have a better holiday period.

Don’t hide away, do something social that you think you can manage like having a Christmas drink with friends or colleagues, call a friend on the telephone, accept an invitation to share dinner with friends, get the kids in the car and admire the Christmas lights around the neighborhood or wish a total stranger Merry Christmas.

We hide our shyness and pretend not be be shy but if you start in small ways you will be amazed how easy it becomes in time with practice.  If you need help though with these suggestions then I recommend THE SOCIAL STRATEGIES, an online program which has helped so many people to live normal lives again.

Reprinted with permission by Chato B. Stewart from http://www.mentalhealthhumor.com

I had recently finished a job and was starting another and in between we were having a few days break at the coast.  The time just beforehand had been stressful but I was now looking forward to the new job starting.  A few days break away was what I needed.

I didn’t realize how stressed I really was until we got to our destination.  I thought at first I was a little car sick but after a few hours I knew that it really was anxiety.  Maybe all that stress that was built up just needed to release.  I didn’t want it to ruin my weekend.

I got out my iPod that has some great binaural beat relaxation music on it and got myself in a nice, warm, comfortable position, closed my eyes and turned it on.  I did feel a little better by the end so I played one of the tracks again.  Now I really felt the benefit and I was able to go out that night not fearing that I would have a panic attack.  If you ever have had a panic attack you will realize exactly how I felt when I had the control back.

Relaxation music and especially ones that have binaural beats really work for me in an emergency and I was so glad that I had taken my iPod that weekend and I know it will be the first thing I pack in the future.

I am fortunate that I have learned slow breathing techniques which assists the relaxation process and combined with the music I know that I can bring my stress levels down fairly quickly.  I know I will have to make sure that I include other relaxation methods in my daily life and not neglect my nerves in the future or it will happen again and I don’t want that.

The weekend could have been ruined for me but instead I had a lovely break by the sea before starting another stressful experience of starting a new job.  Oh the music I have downloaded is  Slow Down and Relax which is 20 minutes and Manifestation (for positive thinking) which is 30 minutes and of course I have the 10 minute sample.

Smoking is a habit that almost always begins in youth, usually before age 16 so these teens had their first interview when they were 16 years of age and again when they became 22 years old. Those who smoked at least 20 cigarettes daily were 16 times more likely to suffer regular anxiety attacks and panic and more than 5 times as likely to suffer from some form of personality disorder.

We have often heard that smoking will calm the nerves. However, as was indicated above, smoking seems to have the opposite effect. This research data was done on 688 teens between 1985 and 1986 and again between 1991 and 1993. When these young people were interviewed as teenagers, 39 of them were smoking at least 20 cigarettes daily and 44 of them had anxiety attacks. There seems to be a definite correlation between smoking and anxiety.

After taking such factors into consideration such as alcohol and drug use and temperament, researchers found that those young people who were smoking at least 20 cigarettes or more daily increased their chances by seven times to develop agoraphobia during their early adulthood. They were also more than 5 times as likely to suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and almost 16 times as likely to suffer from anxiety attacks.  These facts show that there is a strong link between smoking and anxiety and mental health.

If you smoke and want to give it up for good then I recommend this great CD set by Dr Jane Mataai Smith called  The Easy Way to Stop Smoking & Be Forever Smoke Free w/ Self Hypnosis and Subliminal Suggestion 2CDs. Also effective to many has been Nicorette Gum. For your general and mental health you need to start today, not tomorrow. If you smoke, make it your New Year’s resolution to give it up this year.

Life is full of stresses but by adapting ourselves to be resilient and positive is a way we can live our life being happy.  How we react to stress and problems in our lives will determine the outcome.  Being happy within ourselves and knowing how to increase it is a way to make our lives more fulfilled and also more healthy.  You have a choice so don’t worry, be happy as the song says.

Making a conscious effort to have a positive attitude will give you a good chance of turning your feelings from sad into hope and happiness.  When you have a positive outlook you promote within your self a greater confidence and good feeling because you can think more practically about problems and your mood will follow, leading you to optimism and a chance of being happy.

Negative thoughts are not always from inside your head but are most often from outside.  TV, music, newpapers and the internet expose us to disturbing images and sounds.  You may not realize it but those are affecting your thoughts.  You have the choice to not watch or listen to these influences or to ration them into exposure that cant influence you adversely.

Worry is something you can decide to let affect you or you can decide to take some control and decide how it is going to affect you.  You can decide to let it make you miserable or you can decide to solve problems, look at alternative ways of thinking and decide instead to be positive and work at being happy.

So don’t worry, be happy.